This is for anyone who wants to throw in story ideas, with the eventual idea of evolving a group project, maybe even a team writing project.
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Remember we are a PG site, and have fun!
How To Write A Screenplay
{ 64 comments… read them below or add one }
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INT HILTON HOTEL -NIGHT
Mimsey is on the floor with Beethoven.
MIMSEY
Bark Beethoven, bark, please bark sweetie. Come on, bark for mommy, you can do it.
Beethoven only sinks lower.
Julia’s phone rings, she looks at call display, waves for silence from Mimsey, then answers
JULIA
Hi Dad
DAD (O.S. into phone)
Hi Sweetie.
JULIA
Happy Birthday.
DAD
Two days ago, thank you.
JULIA
I was crazy busy, sorry, was it fun?
DAD
(not sure how to format this but now Dad is shown on screen. It is Jeremy Clovis from the boardroom scene)
I was busy too.
JULIA
Making money?
DAD
You need some?
JULIA
I’m okay.
DAD
We’re negotiating right now for a takeover in the States.
JULIA
Another one? Aren’t you big enough?
JEREMY
We’re small potatoes sweetheart, compared to what we will be. Where are you? Your mother misses you.
JULIA
(pause)
L.A.
JEREMY
Really? Got a job?
JULIA
Still looking, don’t keep asking me that.
JEREMY
I guess it’s all about fun with you. How’s the weather?
JULIA
Beautiful, sunny and hot, I love it. I ummm took a surfing lesson this morning.
JEREMY
Using sunscreen?
JULIA
Yes, dad.
JEREMY
Let’s see.
JULIA
Oh whatever, okay.
She turns her phone around, takes a picture of herself, then clicks send.
On Jeremy’s phone, her picture comes up on the screen.
JULIA
Did you get it?
JEREMY
You look tired hon.
JULIA
I am, a bit… Dad…
Jeremy’s assistant comes up and taps him on the shoulder.
JEREMY
I gotta run Julia. Get some sleep. Let me know if you need anything. And call your mother.
JULIA
I will. Love you.
JEREMY
Love you more.
They hang up.
In Jeremy’s office, a tv is on, weather station.
WEATHER PERSON
And in LA, an unusual storm has been raging there for two days and continues to rage bringing rain wind and even hail to the usually sunny city.
HILTON ROOM
A Tv is on there as well, business channel.
BUSINESS PERSON
And in London, Renewal Foods is poised to take over the giant but ailing Wonder Bread. Renewal Foods has skyrocketed from 2$ a share to close at $14 today. It is expected to reach $80 by the end of the year. Much of their success is based on an aggressive worldwide advertising campaign with the slogan – Beyond Healthy. (she turns to her partner on screen) Well I’d like to be ‘beyond healthy’ wouldn’t you Allen?
ALLEN
Sure would.
Julia is staring at the TV.
INT: WAREHOUSE -MONTREAL- NIGHT
Yasmin is led still blindfolded through the warehouse by the cab driver. Suddenly they stop.
CAB DRIVER
You can take off the blindfold now.
Yasmin unties his blindfold and lets it drop to the ground. He is surrounded by a platoon of military special forces. And all kinds of High Tech equipment.
YASMIN
What’s going on here?
The cab driver holds up his hand signaling yasmin to be quiet.
In front of them is a man with his back turned to them. He wears a three peice business suit and is on his cell phone. A soldier comes up and taps him on the back.
MAN
I gotta run Julia. Get some sleep. Let me know if you need anything. And call your mother.
(pause)
Love you more.
He hangs up the phone and turns to face Yasmin.
(It’s Jeremy Clovis from the boardroom scene.)
JEREMY
Hello Mr. Harper. My name is Jeremy Clovis. I’m glad we could finally meet. Your a hard man to get in touch with. You don’t return your calls.
YASMIN
I’m sorry I was busy in my lab
JEREMY
Of course. And I want to tell you how very important your work is to us. To everyone signal person on the face of this earth really.
YASMIN
Well…Thank you. I can’t tell you how long I’ve waited fo someone to appreciate….
JEREMY
Unfortunately there has been a breach. Your life is in danger.
YASMIN
My life?
JEREMY
You can’t let you return to your lab.
YASIM
But my notes…My experiments…
JEREMY
Are all going to be packed up and moved here. My men are on their way to your lab as we speak. They will get everything you need to continue you work.
YASMIN
Here?
JEREMY
Your very important to us Mr. Harper. We can’t let anything happen to you now can we. The fate of the world is in your hands.
(An aside:
I can’t help laughing, this is awesome.
And every time I get a handle on who the villain is it seems to flip.
Or does it?? Hmmmmm….)
INT HILTON ROOM – NIGHT
Julia picks up her cell phone and opens the screen that shows the picture she sent.
We see:
Julia in front of a window and out the window one sees in the distance the Montreal Tower Observatory
Julia clicks her phone off.
She starts throwing her stuff back into the suitcase.
Ben comes out of the bathroom towelling his hair.
BEN
What’s happening?
JULIA
We’re out of here. Let’s go.
MIMSEY
But -
JULIA
I may have compromised our location.
BEN
With who?
JULIA
What may be the mastermind of the whole damn drugged food conspiracy is all. My own g.d. father!
MIMSEY
You stupid b****h.
JULIA
We’ve got to find that lab.
MIMSEY
What about Beethoven?
JULIA
Deal.
Julia leaves the room with her suitcase.
Mimsey hides the nearly comatose Beethoven in her oversized purse.
BEN
F**k. I just ordered room service.
Ben puts his coat on.
INT HILTON HOTEL – HALLWAY
A door opens and JULIA walks out, quickly followed by MIMSEY.
MIMSEY
Hurry up, Ben!
The two women walk to the elevator and press the request button. After a moment the elevator doors open and a room service WAITER steps out with a trolley of food. He nods to them and makes his way down the hall. MIMSEY holds the door, waiting for BEN.
The room service WAITER continues down the hall. BEN finally emerges with all the luggage and races for the elevator, almost knocking over the WAITER, who reacts with a look of distate.
The WAITER knocks on the door of the recently exited room as the elevator doors close.
WAITER: (Spanish accent) Room service! (beat) Hello?
He glances around, then opens the door, which BEN left unlocked.
WAITER: Hello? Room service…
He sees something on the floor reflecting the street light and goes to pick it up. It is the wrapper of the health food stick Beethoven ate.
WAITER: (drops the Spanish accent and speaks with an American accent) S**t.
He pulls out a phone and dials.
WAITER: It’s me, they’re gone. They left a wrapper. (beat) I don’t know, I wasn’t told what they looked like.
He pulls the phone away from his ear and has recieved a photo. It is the one of JULIA.
WAITER: (on phone) Nice one, I just passed them in the hallway. I’ll be in touch. (hangs up)
(aside: Deirdre, I know what you mean. I’m having so much fun!
Paula, glad you liked the suitcase thing. And I don’t think you’re alone with the spell-check thing. But it’s all good.)
haha
Is it time for a little round-table conference?
Is anyone clear on who the protagonists and antagonists are?
Do we know what the issue is?
Is it time for some head to head conflict?
We (and I include myself mightily in this company) keep introducing new characters!
(And then killing them off!)
A classic sign of avoidance.
I’m laughing my head off here.
Character list so far:
Julia – alive (protagonist with a killing streak)
Mimsey – alive
Beethoven – alive but ailing (please please don’t kill him, haha)
Patrick – alive
Pierre San Carlos – dead (by Julia)
his cat – (dead) by Julia
Yasmin Harper – alive (protag?)
Tamara – alive
Ben- lab assistant (potential antag?) – alive
Hotel Porter – dead – (Julia’s stiletto)
Porter 2 – alive
Man with luggage – alive
Jeremy Clovis (Julia’s father)- alive (potential antag?)
Board room man 1 – alive
man 2 – Fred Smith – alive
Homeless man – alive (good guy?)
3 Hoodlums – dead (by homeless man)
Waiter – alive (& potential antagonist)
What do you guys see?
I just posted a kind of synopsis of where we were at and it disappeared. I wonder if I should try to repost it?
Hi Deirdre – sorry about that – your message got caught by a rather over enthusiastic spam filter – I had to install that to block the sea of mono-syllabic commments from apparently Greek gentlemen, all of which pointed back at a site selling used cars and dodgy pharmaceuticals.
Thanks for the summary – It’s good to get that kind of overall analysis.
I think you’re right – there’s some lovely stuff in here, but there’s a sense of drifting slightly off focus. I think you’re right nailing down the protagonist, what they want, what they need, the antagonist, and the logline (in the Goldmine sense), can only help.
Yeah, I was wondering where those Greek guys got to!
It might be fun to try out a few loglines at some time, see what direction we come up with for this.
Ummmm…just off the cuff…
Julia, a ruthless but well-intentioned daddy’s girl struggles to save the world from genetic disaster but finds herself in the unenviable position of committing patricide.
Deirdre,
Hi, Well done on your summary – it helps to see who’s who and where!
Just one question though a little while back in the Hilton Hotel room, you had Ben coming out of the Bathroom
(Ben comes out of the bathroom towelling his hair.)
Then he is referred to as Ben from then on.
Is Ben really Patrick and have we just found out or should it be Patrick in that position?
I just wondered as in your summery you still have Ben as the Lab assistant and Patrick listed separately but Patrick is the one in the room originally with Mimsey and Julia? (I do like a double role Ben/Patrick idea though!)
(?? But I wasn’t sure if this might be one of your famous story twists!!
) ??)
By the way your Logline is great (at the risk of sounding a little Ebay-ish : A+++ )
I’m not much good at Loglines so I daren’t even give it a try!
I have been so busy this week, but I’ll have to sit down and read through the story again and give a Logline a go – That’s what this is all about isn’t it – but promise you won’t laugh if it’s really bad!
)
C Ya!
Hi Paula!
It’s great that you’re back with the story – it’s being continued over on the forum and if you look around on Philip’s front page there you’ll find an address for the new forum (not hotlinked) but it’s awesome and just waiting for activity.
You’re so right about Ben – Patrick, just today on the other forum I posted a ‘duh’ having just realized my error in switching the names.
Come on over and see what’s what.
You other guys too! Amy and Gary are already on it. (the story scratch pad I mean)
see ya soon
d.
and I meant to say thanks …
I am a newcomer to this site and I have just finished reading this story. I loved reading it and also giggled at the comments. I also noticed the change in name, wondering if I had missed something… but all is good. Does it keep going? Can I join in? I’d hate to interrupt something happenin’. Anyway… Keep it up and lovin’ it. Although, being a romantic myself, where’s the love interests or sex scaming. Everybody loves a sex scandal. OOOooo, that makes me sound desperate. I did mean this in a PG rating kinda thinking of course. hhahahaha.
Waiting for the next episode… Julianne.
HI Julianne and welcome!
Glad you are enjoying the story, we have all moved over to the Forum now (Click on FORUM up the top of the page and follow the link and you’ll find it!) It took me a while to find out where everyone went!!
Once your into it, click on screen writing matters and it will take you to all the different threads going on and you just need to click on the story scratchpad thread. (Good Luck!)
It’s sort of been on hold over Christmas etc, but feel free to join in.
Paula
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