(For all you cat lovers out there. Personally I’m with Uncle Monty in Withnail…)
Excerpts from a Dog’s Diary:
8:00am – Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30am – A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40am – A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30am – Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00pm – Lunch! My favourite thing!
1:00pm – Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00pm – Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00pm – Milk bones! My favourite thing!
7:00pm – Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11:00pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary:
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am. Bastards.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies.’ I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously not too bright.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now…
How To Write A Screenplay
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Awesome diary! I want more! more! more!!
Thank you for the diary. Very funny! Made my day
Do you have more of those?
Please…
Oh, I’m sorry – I don’t. I normally delete stuff like that, but as I’m constantly engaged in a war of nerves with the cat who lives in my house I thought it was very apt!
wow i was amazed !!! more more more !!BABY !!!!